I am delighted to have Amy Metz join us here at Nothing Any Good. Amy is the author of the Goose Pimple Junction humorous southern mystery series: Murder & Mayhem in Goose Pimple Junction, Heroes & Hooligans in Good Pimple Junction, and Short & Tall Tales in Good Pimple Junction. She is a tireless supporter of indie authors. Welcome Amy!

Thank you so much for having me, Dan!


Let’s start here. You have started a campaign called “Authors Are Weird Too.” What is this about?

As an indie author, I know how hard it is to get your name and your book out there. So I started my blog, A Blue Million Books, in the hopes of helping other authors promote their work. I live in Louisville, Kentucky, where we have a campaign called, “Keep Louisville Weird.” It was started with the intention of supporting local business. McDonald’s and Applebee’s are everywhere, but it’s the local businesses that give a city uniqueness and flavor. Local businesses are usually small, with limited capital and resources; not unlike indie authors. So I started my own campaign (“Authors Are Weird Too.”) to support indie authors.


I live in Portland, Oregon and there is a similar campaign called, “Keep Portland Weird.” In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that Portlanders would be up in arms if they knew another city was doing a similar things.  I have travelled enough in my life already to know that there are weirdos everywhere. Hell, I’m one of them. Most authors are, so your campaign sounds perfect!

You used to teach first graders. Do you find your time with the imagination of young kids inspired your writing?

No, although there was once a principal I would have liked to kill off. 🙂

My two sons inspired the children’s book I wrote, but it’s still in need of illustration and is currently living in my computer.


Anyone out there an illustrator that’s looking to collaborate? It sounds like you have an opportunity here.

Do you miss the classroom at all?

I really don’t. Teaching is a demanding profession in so many ways. I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person, which is why I stopped teaching when my first son was born. If I were teaching now, there’s no way I would have time or inclination to write. I enjoyed teaching, but I’ve said that being a mom was my dream job, and it was. Now that my sons are grown, writing is my dream job.


As an indie author, I know how hard it is to get your name and your book out there. So I started my blog, A Blue Million Books, …[and] I started my own campaign, “Authors Are Weird Too,” to support indie authors in the hopes of helping other authors promote their work.


I am the product of teachers, so I applaud you. My mother is a junior high teacher and my father is a high school professor. My sister teaches 5th grade and I have three sisters-in-law that teach grade school or have taught grade school at one time. Teachers give us so much of themselves and as a society, at least here in the States, we tend to give them so little back. It’s really sad. So on behalf of all the children you taught, thank you.

Thanks, Dan. You’re right, teachers deserve more support than society gives them.


You’re from Louisville, Kentucky. I’ve seen you use a number of southern phrases and my curiosity is piqued on a few of them. Can you explain each of these that you’ve used?

Sure, although Goose Pimple Juntionians use these phrases more than Louisvillians!


  • Well shave my legs and call me smoothy—This phrase would be uttered by someone who was surprised or startled at something and might be accompanied with a slack jaw.


  • Get your straw out of my Kool-Aid—I love that one. It means to mind your own business!


  • He’s handier than a pocket on a shirt—A pocket on a shirt can come in very handy, so if someone is very helpful, he might be handier than a pocket on a shirt.


  • You can put a porcupine in a wood chipper, but you will not make maple syrup—Just because you say it doesn’t make it so. Or it might mean you can go ahead and try it that way, but it won’t have the results you want.


  • You can just get glad in the same pants you got mad in—This means the person will just have to get over whatever it is that made them mad, and they’d better get over it quick. You got mad wearing those pants, and you can just as easily get glad – even before you have a chance to change clothes.


These two need no explanation, but I loved them and needed to share them.

  • “If it has tires or testicles, it’s gonna give you trouble—That’s one of my favorites.
  • That went over like a pregnant pole vaulter—Yep, that’s a good ‘un!


You once said you would like to go to The Colony Hotel in Kennebunkport, Maine more than anywhere else in the entire world. Really? Why don’t you just go? What’s stopping you?

The Colony Hotel is definitely is one of my favorite places to visit. But there are several reasons I don’t just go. 1) Kennebunkport is about 15 and a half hours by car from where I live. 2) One night at The Colony Hotel is around $380. If you want to stay more than one nightwhich , believe me, you will want to do – that adds up quickly and is hard to do with what I make as an indie author. But when I’m rich and famous, you better believe I’m going there!


You heard her people! Help Amy out! Buy her book so she can live her dream. It’s a modest dream!


“You can put a porcupine in a wood chipper, but you will not make maple syrup”Just because you say it doesn’t make it so. Or it might mean you can go ahead and try it that way, but it won’t have the results you want.


I’m a huge basketball fan. Since you’re from Kentucky, I know you’re required to like basketball too. It’s part of the citizenship test I believe. I have to ask. Do you support Rick Pitino? What do you think of the one-year postseason ban that was recently imposed?

Oh boy. You’re going to get me in trouble! You’re right. B-ball is very serious business in Kentucky. My daughter-in-law teaches at U of L, but I graduated from the University of Kentucky, so I’m more of a Cats fan than a University of Louisville Cards fan. I do root for the Cards as long as they’re not playing UK, though. To answer your question, I think Pitino is a good college basketball coach and he’s doing the best he can with the hand that he’s been dealt. The one-year ban is heartbreaking for the U of L seniors, and really for the whole team. They’re paying for someone else’s mistakes, and that’s tough luck. What’s fair in this situation? That question is for someone who’s a whole lot smarter than I am. But I think Pitino is handling it with class.


Boom! Mind blown! A Cats and a Cards fan?!?! What is happening? I have about 1,000 follow up questions and I know most readers are bored with the one I asked already. I feel we need to sit on a porch swing somewhere and have a nice long summer discussion sometime. Just know, that I am a Minnesota fan watching Richard Pitino currently struggle, I miss Clem Haskins (from Campbellsville, KY), we had Tubby Smith as our coach right after the Cats did, I still feel a little bit robbed by Kentucky of Minnesota’s only Final Four appearance in 1997, and (brace yourself) two of my older brothers are huge Duke fans and, well… We could talk for hours.


For your final question, I’m allowing you to interview yourself, but it can’t be a standard interview question that is pre-packaged.

I joke a lot on social media about killing off people that cross me. I even have a sign at my back door that says, “Please do not annoy the writer. She may put you in a book and kill you off.” Someone once asked me if I’ve ever really done that.

The answer is not really really, but kind of. I’m usually a very nice person who tries not to let the little things get to me – but I’m no pushover. Let’s just say that book 4, Rogues & Rascals in Goose Pimple Junction, features a hitwoman who kills off a whole list of people who have irritated me in the last few years. If the “victims” should happen to read the book, they won’t have any trouble figuring out my feelings for them. And I’ve already started a new list. (evil grin)


I take back anything mean I have ever said! Please don’t put me in one of your books and kill me off. I have a young daughter!

Thank you, Amy! It is always a delight!

Thank you, Dan. I appreciate the opportunity and hope you’ll come back to A Blue Million Books soon!



Find more writing and publishing tips at Nothing Any Good.


About Amy Metz

Amy Metz is the author of the Goose Pimple Junction humorous southern mystery series: Murder & Mayhem in Goose Pimple JunctionHeroes & Hooligans in Good Pimple Junction, and Short & Tall Tales in Good Pimple Junction. As an indie author, she knows how hard it is to get your name and your book out there, so she started A Blue Million Books  and “Authors Are Weird Too” in the hopes of helping other authors promote their work. She lives in Lousville, Kentucky. You can follow Amy on FacebookGoodreads, and Twitter.